by Allison Nagelberg and Ruth Anne Koenick
ALLISON:
Good morning and Chag Sameach!
Last year, when I stood before you as a newly minted co-President of B’nai Tikvah, I observed that it was the first time in our congregation’s history that not ONE but TWO people were crazy enough – meshugenah enough – to take on the role of President. After all, this is a job with long hours, no pay and no perks other than a much appreciated spot in the parking lot. It is a job where you have a duty of loyalty to nearly 400 families and professional staff; and as Jews, you know that this means no fewer than 500 different opinions. It is a job that demands your attention when you’re at your real job, when you’re having dinner or family time, or even when you’re shopping at the local Costco or Shoprite. But I can honestly say – it is one of the most rewarding jobs I have ever had.
Last year at this time, Ruth Anne was not walking on her own, as she was suffering the excruciating effects of Lyme disease. Last year, we were facing a very significant budget deficit. Last year, there were, in the words of the incomparable poet Robert Frost: miles to go before I sleep. THIS year, thanks to your outstanding efforts – and some excellent medicine and physical therapy for Ruth Anne – we are in a vastly different place. We sold our parsonage; we raised thousands more in donations than we had budgeted; we hired a phenomenal Education Director who has tremendous vision and dedication for our future; we produced fantastic new programs; we demonstrated – and continue to demonstrate – our unwavering support for Israel. We came together, time and again, as friends and neighbors, in good times and bad. We have brand new Holiday Torah covers – the result of our own congregant’s loving handiwork – and we are embarking on much needed upgrades to this sanctuary. If I knew that things were going to turn out so well, I would have taken the job sooner!
Ruth Anne and I promised each other that, whatever else might happen, this co-presidency would not affect our friendship. And here we are, still talking and texting constantly, still there for each other’s celebrations and setbacks and, of course, still on opposite sides of the political spectrum! Of course, however one feels about American politics, I am so proud that our community stands united with Israel. My daughter Hayley reminded me that Benjamin Netanyahu reportedly said: “We, the people of Israel, owe you – Hamas – a huge debt of gratitude. You have succeeded where we have failed. Because never before, in the history of the modern State of Israel, has the Jewish people been so united, like one person with one heart.” This statement may be an urban legend but the underlying sentiment is true.
When it comes to having different opinions, let me share with you a story about my husband David, whom many of you know is a HUGE sports fan. In fact, I don’t think there is a sport on earth that he doesn’t follow. When we were dating a million years ago, we used to go to the turtle races in Chester – no kidding! The turtle races!! So it shouldn’t have shocked me a few weeks ago when, after dining at a new restaurant, he said: “What did you notice about our waitress?” I had no idea where this was going as she seemed like a perfectly normal girl to me. He continued: “Don’t you think she looked like she just came out of synchronized swimming practice? You know – her hair, her makeup, the whole look?” Well, actually, I didn’t know what he was talking about, but the point of this story is that sometimes, different people see the exact same thing in completely different ways.
This is why last year, we sent out a survey, offering everyone an opportunity to comment on what they like here at B’nai Tikvah and what they don’t like so much; what we need more of, what we need less of, and what is just right – which sounds like Goldilocks and the Three Bears. And we asked these questions because we REALLY want to know what everyone thinks so that we can plan accordingly. We are asking ALL of our congregants for input. If you didn’t fill out the survey, it’s not too late to speak up, and all voices WILL be heard.
So many people want to learn more about Israel and current events. In a recent mailing – and on our newly enhanced website – we presented a fabulous roster of speakers and films addressing exactly these topics. Nearly six-hundred people came out to hear Kasim Hafeez, a Muslim Zionist, and Rabbi Ken Spiro, a leading lecturer on Anti-Semitism, address our community about these most important issues. Kasim left an indelible impression on the audience, stating that when he finally visited Israel:
“In this country I hated for so long, with the Israeli flag flying behind me, I realized no matter what, there are six million Holocaust victims who will never see this…There were Jewish people here before a Muslim even walked on Earth.”
And Rabbi Spiro cautioned:
“The early Zionists believed establishment of a Jewish state would end anti-Semitism. And yet, anti-Semitism is at historic levels not seen since the Holocaust.
He continued with the reminder that
“Jews have survived long after their powerful foes disappeared into history because they never deviated from their core beliefs.”
Please mark your calendars – after the holidays – to attend as many of these presentations about Israel as possible, and bring your friends. In this crazy world we live in, there is simply no substitute for being well informed.
Our community wants social, social, social events. We gathered for havdallah at the Willows pool club, a hike in the woods, and a tour of Jewish baseball history in Philadelphia. This year’s activities include a Post Purim Pub Crawl, as well as whiskey tasting; the latter is not my personal preference, but you can bet that Ruth Anne will be the first person to sign up! Our congregation likes family friendly programs. We’ve got our annual picnic in the park, movie nights, game nights and a 5K walk/run or schlep – your choice. Our members are seeking spirituality and adult discussion topics; our busy schedule includes that, with kosher Indian food, to boot! Those who responded to the survey want to explore the length and content of our religious services; we are doing that, too, and we WELCOME anyone who is interested to work on that project. Danny Greenberg, our Vice-President of Activities, has covered a vast range of interests in an ambitious schedule…and we can only wonder when he will arrange for half-price shopping at Nordstrom! As you may know, nothing speaks to CBT co-presidents like serious discounts at a great shoe department.
Last year, our community stepped up to get our financial house in order. We have made such amazing strides in that area – not that we are ever done, but CBT is truly moving in the right direction. This year, the focus is on building relationships. Our Board recently held a retreat, where the theme was Relational Judaism – building connections to the people in our community. Most people join and stay on as B’nai Tikvah members because this is “the friendly shul”. But not everyone feels equally engaged; and making changes in this area is a TOP priority. B’nai Tikvah is not just here for baby namings, bar mitzvahs, aufrufs and shivas – although these milestones are central to our Jewish experience. CBT is here for more than individual events; this synagogue – this community – is here to sustain and nourish each of us throughout the year and for generations to come.
In Ron Wolfson’s book on this subject, he relays the story of a woman who has come to nearly every synagogue event for 20 years, and then decides to resign her membership. When the Rabbi called to ask her what had happened, she replied: “Yes, I came to every event, but I never met anyone.” Obviously, something broke down in communications somewhere along the way at that synagogue; and Ruth Anne and I are committed to doing things differently at B’nai Tikvah. Every single family should have received a phone call in the last few weeks from someone on our Board of Directors – just to say hello and Happy New Year – and you should be hearing from us personally throughout the year. This is just the beginning of an effort to ensure that every family has a direct connection to the leadership and the community. Changes are on the way, and we could not be more excited to see what great things are in store. To quote a famous commercial of yesteryear, “This is not your father’s Oldsmobile.”
Strong relationships are the cornerstone of a successful community, be it our community here at B’nai Tikvah or the Jewish community at large. My oldest son Cory is working in Boston. He called us a few weeks ago to say that he ran into a Rabbi he used to work with when he was on the Hagalil USY Executive Board. Before he knew it, he had a standing invitation for Shabbos dinner and every holiday. This would not have happened without the powerful bonds that he created in USY. During the summer, we met a couple at a synagogue in the Poconos, and within minutes of talking, we realized that their daughter was a colleague and close friend of my middle son Jesse, working at Camp Ramah in Nyack NY. Yes, this is Jewish Geography; but it is much more than that: it is Jewish people making connections with other Jewish people so that no matter where we go, we feel at home.
RUTH ANNE:
Connections, for me an important part of life is about making connections and I feel truly blessed to be connected to this amazing community. It is connections in this community that help us individually and collectively through life’s challenges and celebrations. It is connections that help all of us and that helped me in my recovery this past year. Many of you are familiar with Randy Pausch, the Carnegie Mellon professor who passed away a few years ago and is well known for The Last Lecture. In it he says that we cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand. That goes for individuals as well as communities and we at B’nai Tikvah have played a hand this year that is unlike any other in my 16 years as a member. Allison mentioned the multitude of challenges we had last year and the ways that we played our hand and I can’t help but feel that we have made a turning point in the life of our congregation.
I recently had a conversation with someone from a major Jewish organization and I told her that we were reducing dues this year, not much but a $26 reduction and are working tirelessly to continue to find ways to reduce dues next year. We know that increasing dues is not sustainable and while you have continued to support B’nai Tikvah, the time was now to make a change. The decisions were difficult and even though we tried to think of it in terms of positions, our changes involved people. But we owed it to you and to ourselves to play this hand differently. The comment I received from the person I was meeting with: “Reduce dues, unheard of in the Jewish community!” and then she suggested that we hire ourselves as consultants to help other congregations. We are certainly not ready for that but we are ready to forge ahead and continue to improve our financial position. If I could only be that directed in my own finances I would retire sooner!
My connection to Allison has grown stronger and while we don’t get to meet at the DD in Highland Park to talk about our children, our husbands, and life in general, we talk throughout the day, almost every day, about B’nai Tikvah, our other family. I am truly grateful to her for stepping up and taking over last fall when I was far too sick to be of much use. Even when we scheduled budget and Executive Committee meetings at my house and I ended up being unable to attend, there was Allison coming early to discuss the agenda, providing me with updates and what was discussed and seeking my input. She took the lead on so many things that all of what she discussed in her part of this speech, might not have happened without her leadership. But I am glad to say that I am back and although I’ve been told that I have another 2 years of recovery and I still can’t wear fancy shoes or heels. Some people have an app to measure their workout goals, my son-in-law Todd downloaded an app for me so I can compare shoe prices because I still buy them and keep them out to look at as a goal.
This past year has provided me with a lot of time to think, flat on my back in bed with only so much on-line shopping I can do. Many of us have had our lives change in a heartbeat, some for worse and some for better. We’ve lost a loved one, been diagnosed with a serious life-threatening illness, our retirement isn’t what we planned it to be, or a child or grandchild has been born, or perhaps we have met our bersheet. Life challenges and life changes. I’ve given a lot of thought about what brings me here today. We are here today, at the high point of our High Holiday journey. A time of introspection and reflection. An experience that is not only personally intense, but also intensely personal. So I wonder what all of us are doing here today? You could be at home, in more comfortable clothes, on a more comfortable chair, eating to your heart’s delight and doing your own thing. Without coming back for Ne’ilah I could be at the Rutgers Michigan game watching Rutgers beat Michigan, along with many of you. Why is it, that even for an intensely personal, introspective moment such as this we choose to be with each other?
Very early yesterday morning I ran into Meryl Gonchar in the Miami airport, both of us tryng to get home for Yom Kippur. We certainly could have used a few more days in the sun, and were not rushing home for a fabulous dinner and a night out, but it was important to be home with our family and our B’nai Tikvah Family.
So for me, the answer to the question of why we choose to be together is simple. We Jews are communal beings. We get together to mark important events in our individual and collective lives as part of our Jewish journey. We celebrate and we commiserate, we eat and well we eat and we share Facebook pictures, connect through LinkedIn and Twitter and tell our stories through other types of social media and do this with the support of our community…But for me it is more than that, it is who I am and how my parents, who taught me that life was about family, community and religion…and that the three were so intricately intertwined that you could not have one without the other, that there is no other place I would even think of being today….well maybe shopping with Molly, or being at the beach with Kenzala and Bryce…but that doesn’t happen because as a Jew, today is special.
For me, YK always began with my father, of blessed memory, making us go around the table before we left for Kol Nidre and ask each one who was there for forgiveness…a connection to the shtetle where he was born where they went door to door. As the youngest and very much the baby of 4 children, I knew there were times that my older siblings were intentionally hurtful and mean to me and I didn’t want to forgive them, but underneath I knew it was the right thing to do and I didn’t want to disappoint my father. And it is the right thing to do now.
One of the things I love about being president is getting to sit on the bimah during the holidays. The view from here is very different and I get to see generations of people come together to honor their past and support their future. I get to see people taking some personal time for their own prayers and thinking about what is important. And when people don’t see me dozing off as a result of my medication, you get to see what is happening up here. But no matter where we sit, or how we pray, we are all in this together
So here is the part you all know is coming, the ask. Every year the current president stands up here and asks you to make a commitment to continue to support B’nai Tikvah and last year when we spoke, you responded loud and clear, donating 50% more than budgeted. We know that your dues and mine cover only a small part of our budget. Without fundraisers and donations, B’nai Tikvah as you know it would close.
While we work to manage our funds in a responsible way, let us not forget that we are a loving community that assures that all are welcome no matter what their ability to pay. And yet, Allison and I ask you to think about how you and your family are connected to B’nai Tikvah. We urge you to think about the ways in which this congregation has been beside you – for a bris or baby naming, a Bar or Bat Mitzvah or a wedding, a prayer for someone ill or a funeral. Think about the multitude of youth programs that your children and mine have enjoyed and the friendships that they have through Kadima and USY. Think about the friendships you have made by being a regular at Sunday or Thursday morning minyan, or part of the group that connects every Friday evening. Who do you sit next to – someone who makes you instantly feel better when they walk through the door? Think about sundaes on Saturday and the connections you have as everyone gathers for Havdallah and ice cream at the Rockmans’ home. Or maybe you were one of the people who helped Dot Cohen sew together the beautiful holiday Torah covers. We ask you to take a moment to reflect on all of the ways you are connected to B’nai Tikvah in the past, today and for the future.
If you take out the envelope you were given when you came in today, the amount that you donated to our High Holiday fundraising campaign last year is indicated on your card. If you were unable to make a donation last year, we hope that you will be able to do so this year. And if you did donate last year, we thank you, and we ask that you consider raising the amount of that donation this year – just fold down one extra tab on the card in your envelope (or click here to donate online). So many of you did that last year and it truly made a difference. Every extra dollar helps to ensure that this community will continue to be a connection to you your children and your grandchildren.
On behalf of the entire Board of Directors, Allison and I wish you all a healthy and happy new year – a year filled with family and friends and the comfort in knowing that our community of B’nai Tikvah will continue to be a strong connection for you and with you.