By Allison Nagelberg

This year is a first in the life of B’nai Tikvah – 2013 marks the first co-presidency in the history of our congregation. Yes, it’s true: there’s not just one person who is meshugenah enough to take on the task of being president – there are two! Rest assured – my husband, David, is thinking the same thing! Although… he will surely tell you that he always saw this coming, and it was simply a matter of time.

You see, we come from, and have perpetuated, a long line of meshugenahs:

  • my father and David’s father both served as Presidents of Oheb Shalom in South Orange, where David and I grew up;
  • our mothers were both Presidents of the Sisterhood;
  • our kids have served as Presidents of this synagogue’s USY, and on the Regional Executive Board of Hagalil USY, and as Presidents of their college Hillel and Chabad.

My father-in-law actually says that there are two kinds of meshugenahs: a bissel meshugenah (meaning a little one), and a gantze meshugenah (a big one). I guess that the Nagelbergs fall into that second category. This trait must be something that you wear like the proverbial sign on your back; just ask Danny Greenberg, who told me the day after we joined this synagogue: “You know, you should think about serving on our Board of Directors.” Thanks, Danny!

In all seriousness, though, there is a good reason behind this mishegas: it’s not just because it is somehow embedded in our DNA, although there is definitely something to that; it’s not just a sense of duty that is borne of Jewish guilt, although that certainly plays a role; and it’s certainly not because we have an abundance of time on our hands! It is because the more you put into something, the more you get out of it: the more you contribute to your community, the more your community gives back to you.

Thinking back to my early years at B’nai Tikvah, Ruth Anne and I were not close friends. Don’t misunderstand: there was no outright hostility; we were just kind of neutral. And then one year right before Kol Nidre, Ruth Anne asked to speak with me privately for a few minutes. She said that it had been a tradition of her father’s – may he rest in peace – every year during the High Holidays to take our Torah’s teachings to heart and make amends with someone.

Based in the shtetle where he grew up each family went door to door to ask their neighbor for forgiveness. He made it his mission to not just routinely put his hand on his chest and say “S’lach Lanu”, but to actively reach out to someone and apologize. This was a tradition that she believed was worth continuing. She told me that, for whatever reason, she had misjudged me, and she wanted to make that right.

I must say that I was blown away. In my lifetime of celebrating our holiest days, no one else had ever said or done such a thing. That gesture made a lasting impression on me. I have, in fact, tried to perpetuate her father’s legacy by making amends of my own every year at this time. Ruth Anne and I have since grown to be the dearest of friends – friends who share just about everything, including the same birthdate – December 8th, in case you’re wondering – friends who share each other’s views on child-rearing, on community service, on education, on respect, dignity, work ethic and, of course, shopping at Nordstrom.

We are friends who text each other at 5 am, confident that the text will be returned in minutes. Friends who, despite our busy schedules, make time for coffee at Dunkin Donuts in Highland Park at 7:45 in the morning every couple of weeks. While we do not share each other’s views on politics – as you see, she is standing on the left, and I am standing on the right – we agree to disagree because there is so much more that unites us than divides us.

As Ruth Anne said at our congregation meeting in July, “if only our Congress could operate this harmoniously, our country would be in much better shape!” We are a microcosm of this wonderful shul – a little community of friends within our community at large. And one of our greatest hopes for our co-presidency is that each one of you will do your part to strengthen our congregation in whatever way you can. You may not always agree with every decision; but you have an open invitation to get involved in the process, share your talents and ideas, and work with us to help this synagogue to grow and thrive. In the words of one of Ruth Anne’s favorite politicians – certainly not mine, but the sentiment is on point – “It takes a village.”

My family was not always involved with this congregation, but everyone we knew who belonged here – the Talmuds, the Cohens, the Safeers, and so many more – told us that we really should make the switch because B’nai Tikvah, after all, is the friendly shul. We were active members of a different synagogue, and although we never really felt that it was our home, we had friends there and somehow found it difficult to uproot ourselves.

Back in those days, David offered his employees a wonderful perk of bringing in a masseuse on the last Friday of every month. I can remember like it was yesterday, that moment on a particular Friday when I realized that we finally needed to make a break from our previous synagogue and join B’nai Tikvah. I called David in the middle of the day to tell him about my epiphany. I thought he might say, “Okay, fine, whatever you want” – since that is what all good husbands would say. But no. He said, “I think it’s time for my backrub.” And yet, even with that non-committal response, I decided to do what I knew we BOTH wanted – as any good wife would do – and I called Rabbi Eligberg to talk about joining B’nai Tikvah. We have never once looked back because this is, indeed, the friendly shul, and the one that we do call our home. It is a shul with an energy and enthusiasm that is contagious, as anyone who has met Cindy Gittleman will attest!

In OUR shul, people jump out of a plane when they are 90 years old in order to raise money for the local foodbank; and two years later, OUR congregants raise even more money for that foodbank so that he won’t pull that stunt again! Yes – there are many ways to interpret the word “meshugenah”!

In OUR shul, we organize a parade of several hundred people down Finnegans Lane, complete with antique cars, Hillel’s Angels motorcyclists, Sons of Tikvah on wheels, and a brand new Torah so generously funded by many of you here today. We then placed that Torah – with a new mantle lovingly sewn by one of OUR talented congregants – into our Aron Kodesh, which has been beautifully renovated by another masterful and generous member of OUR congregation.

At OUR shul, we have a group that bike rides together almost every weekend, including rides that are, oh, just 100 miles at a time (need I say the word again – meshugenah!). Despite this group’s tremendous feats of cycling prowess, they gladly welcome newcomers, whether or not you know the rules of the road, how to properly inflate your tires, or where the best coffee in Princeton can be found. Just bring your bike, your helmet and a good attitude. You will not be disappointed and you will not be left behind.

Both literally and figuratively, all roads eventually lead back to our friends at B’nai Tikvah…

By Ruth Anne Koenick

Yes all roads lead back to B’nai Tikvah and never in a million years, when I spoke to you from this pulpit two years ago did I ever think I would be back here as president, at least not so soon and certainly not standing here as a co-president.

I am a bit on the bossy and controlling side and I am not really that good at sharing control. As chair of the nominating committee I wasn’t sure who might be best suited to be president at the end of Gary’s term. For some reason I asked Allison to consider being co-president with me, with the caveat that the most important part was that it not have a negative impact on our friendship for that was far more important than anything else to me. And as the months have gone by, I am even more convinced that the decision was right, for our congregation is truly at a turning point and one that needs, as Allison said, two crazy people to provide some of the leadership. It also confirms for me that if you want something done, ask a busy person and in this case ask two busy women.

But I want to return to the quote Allison made from one of my favorite people, not just to annoy her, but the concept of It takes a Village and to share with you as I have done before, what this village means to me.

As some of you know, I wasn’t feeling that great most of last spring. Like many of you may do from time to time, I ignored it and didn’t listen to my daughter Molly who repeatedly told me to slow down and take care of myself. After having several repeated illnesses and a lot of medication – after all you can’t keep a good woman down – I continued on some preventative medication until the morning of June 23, Molly and Todd’s wedding.

A few days later, I woke up with horrible leg pain, pain that increased as the week went by, keeping me home and mostly in bed. For the next 6 weeks, a myriad of doctors came up with various diagnoses, none that had great outcomes until finally a simple blood test confirmed what a previous test had shown as negative, that I not only had Lyme disease, I had had it for a while …As those of you who have suffered through this illness when it is diagnosed after months of infection know, the pain is excruciating and the recovery is long… but that is not the point of this story… for the village of B’nai Tikvah is the hero in all of this.

People I hardly knew, called and sent cards. These were not people I knew well nor had shared a simcha with but I did know where they sat at Shabbat morning services. At the end of July when Paul had to go to Wyoming for 6 days to have his sister’s memorial service, friends, all made since I joined B’nai Tikvah just 15 years ago, moved into my home to take care of me, cooking, cleaning up, fluffing my pillows, doing laundry and cheering me up but mostly teaching me how to ask for and accept help. And people volunteered to drive me to Hillsborough for my daily infusions, not once or twice, but multiple times.

Calls and food came from Bikur Cholim; and when Gary Bergman called to see how I was, I asked if he knew where I could borrow a wheel chair… an hour later, he was at my house with one. I didn’t tell him that I needed it so Molly and I could go to the Nordstrom pre-sale and spend a little, well maybe a lot of money. Just a few weeks later when I became more unstable just using a cane to walk in my house, Gale and I tried to find a place I could rent or buy a walker. Again Gary called to see how I was and I asked him if he knew where I could get a walker, and ½ hour later he appeared with one to lend me.

All of this happened, not just because Gary seems to call at the right time and is involved in Bikur Cholim, but because the village we call B’nai Tikvah wrapped its arms around me as it wraps around you and your family when you are in need, and when you aren’t.

Every one of you here today has in some way had B’nai Tikvah wrapped around you. Maybe it is your chavura that is filled with CBT members, your knitting group or your poker group. Or maybe it is, as someone recently described a bunch of guys – all B’nai Tikvah-members – who go out to dinner – a large group that is self-described as: a bunch of middle-aged Jewish men, some fat, a bunch balding, and all apt to fall asleep if they are up past 10PM but, who tip the wait-staff well for putting up with them.

Or maybe it is how we wrapped our children in a Torah during the homecoming of our new Torah… B’nai Tikvah has touched you in a way that has changed your life, it certainly has changed mine.

With this in mind, we encourage you to do something this year to be even more involved to find a way to wrap B’nai Tikvah around someone else. Reach out to someone new; help to plan an event; join in building our Sukkah; go to a shivah minyan for someone you don’t really know well, or even just come to shul for services. At B’nai Tikvah, we have something for everyone; and this year, there will be even more new activities, a picnic on October 6, a night at the Stress Factory, and a post Purim pub crawl. There are ways to enhance your spirituality, your knowledge and certainly ways to build new friendships and to have fun while having CBT wrap itself around you.

So here is the part you all know is coming, the ask. Every year we continue to have financial and other challenges. We each have them at home and we have them here. For me, in a short period of time right before Molly’s wedding, my 20 year old refrigerator, furnace and dishwasher all broke and required replacing. We know that this is an aging building and just like you and me, it needs repairs and replacements, not always at the best financial time. Everyone here wants the air and the heat to work, lights to go on in the building and in the parking lot, we all want to sit on a pew that doesn’t have nails and wood pieces making your tush uncomfortable. But, your dues and mine cover only a small part of our budget. Without fundraisers and donations, our doors would close.

While we struggle to meet our needs, let us not forget that we are a loving community that assures that all are welcome no matter what their ability to pay. We know that you are asked to support other causes during this High Holiday season and at other times during the year. And we know that for many people, there is only so much to give, and not a penny more.

And yet, Allison and I ask you to think about how B’nai Tikvah has wrapped itself around you and your family. We urge you to think about the ways in which this congregation has been beside you – for a bris or baby naming, a Bar or Bat Mitzvah or a wedding, a prayer for someone ill or a funeral. Think about the nursery, the camp, the religious school that your children and mine have enjoyed; the friendships that they have through Kadima and USY, and the friendships that you have through Sisterhood and Men’s Club or by coming to minyan or Shabbat services.

Take a moment to reflect on the day that we came together in droves to welcome our new Torah, dancing it through the streets of North Brunswick, and into B’nai Tikvah – as the building and the people wrapped ourselves around each other. This only happened because of your generosity, people sitting right here today. Remind yourselves that we need to preserve this Torah and this institution for generations to come.

If you take out the envelope you were given when you came in today, the amount that you donated to our High Holiday fundraising campaign last year is indicated on your card. If you were unable to make a donation last year, we hope that you will be able to do so this year. And if you did donate last year, we thank you, and we ask that you consider raising the amount of that donation this year – just fold down one extra tab on the card in your envelope.

Someone commented recently that they didn’t know you could fold more than one tab – but you can! An extra $18, or more makes a difference. Allison and I ask you to reflect back on Rabbi Wolkoff’s remarks during Rosh Hashanah about the centrality of community, and the Cost of Inaction, that not supporting our congregational needs has a profound impact on what we are able to accomplish, for all of us here today, for our children and for our grandchildren.

Allison and I pledge to you that every single donation counts. Every extra dollar helps to ensure that this village will flourish, and that you will be enveloped with the warmth and love of this special community as we move forward together in the year ahead.

On behalf of the entire Board of Directors, Allison and I wish you all a healthy and happy new year – a year filled with family and friends and the comfort in knowing that our village of B’nai Tikvah will continue to wrap itself around you.