Allison: Good morning and Shana Tovah!
Last December, Ruth Anne and I celebrated our shared birthday – December 8 – here at B’nai Tikvah on a Shabbat morning. We were delighted that so many of you were there for our big day; we were born just a decade and a half apart from each other, but in many ways, it is as if we were “separated at birth”. We read Haftorah and gave a D’var Torah, and even got to call the pages!! We were absolutely honored to receive a Bat-Mitzvah-style blessing from the Rabbi! We thought to ourselves again and again how lucky we are to be a part of this incredible community – so lucky, in fact, that we are back for ANOTHER term serving as co-Presidents!
So…Welcome to the New and Improved B’nai Tikvah sanctuary! You may recall that last year at this time, there were design boards posted in the front hall, displaying possible choices for our renovation, including seating, carpet, color and all of the other elements that were part of this project. Before we posted this design board, I spoke to several presidents of other synagogues, all of whom thought that asking for input from nearly 400 families was just looking for trouble. They thought we would get nothing but complaints, and about 800 different opinions. It is truly a testament to this congregation that we received almost exclusively constructive comments and, amazingly, a lot of unanimity. And the design element that B’nai Tikvah congregants felt the strongest about was that we should not be sitting on individual chairs – we should stay with pews. People offered many reasons:
children like to stretch out and take a nap on the pews – and some adults do, as well;
pews are more comfortable than chairs for those who may need to whittle their waistline;
pews are more stable…more traditional…more befitting a place of worship;
and most importantly, pews contribute to the feeling that we all share – that we are a community, and not just a collection of people. This is truly how Ruth Anne and I feel about this wonderful home-away-from-home.
To be sure, there were some conflicting opinions with regard to the sanctuary renovation: the color should be brighter or it should be more subdued; the room should be attractive to brides or it should be friendly for children; draw attention to the ark or to the stained glass; and so forth. But in the end, after endless hours and a lot of hard work, the project came out beautifully – on time and within our very reasonable budget, which came from funds raised exclusively for this project! We were able to give our old pews to two churches in need, which is a lovely act of tzedakah and interfaith cooperation. We are touting all of the positive compliments to the other president-naysayers and we are justifiably proud of our fantastic congregation! There are just a few more things to be done and then we will have a celebration honoring our new Torah, the sanctuary we have renovated, and our spectacular congregation, who made this possible.
Our lovely facility has, on occasion, also been the butt of a joke or two. No one who came to last year’s Comedy Night will ever look at the chandelier in our social hall quite the same way again! But all kidding aside, we make magic happen within these walls: from uplifting prayer services to a Purim shpiel that brought the house down! We brought Israel programming to a whole new level, including world-famous speakers such as Muslim-Zionist Kasim Hafeez, Aish HaTorah Rabbi Ken Spiro, Palestinian Media Watch’s Itamar Marcus, and IDF soldier and Special Olympian Noam Gershony. We screened important films, like Two-Sided Story, which highlight the painful realities of life in the Middle East for ALL people living in this region. Our program about Combatting Anti-Semitism on College Campuses drew over 400 people and has been viewed over 1500 times on YouTube. Be on the lookout for an even more impressive line-up of pro-Israel personalities, films and events as we solidify our reputation as the hub of Israel education in Central New Jersey.
We had a SUPERB turnout at the Rutgers Hillel Fit Run for Israel; B’nai Tikvah simply overshadowed every other community group in numbers, enthusiasm and support for Israel. Our Religious School and, in fact, our entire congregation, made a profound impact on the Central New Jersey Jewish Community, and we look forward to an even bigger turnout next year. Cantor Rockman promoted both the FIT and the FUN of this event, and finished his OWN 5K in record time! Cantor also brought us another incredible L’Dor V’Dor concert, and hosted countless Sundaes on Saturday to celebrate Havdallah, whileRabbi Wolkoff opened his home to more than 60 of us for pizza before we headed to the Jewish Film Festival together as a CBT community. And if you hunger for knowledge, there is no better way to satisfy your appetite than with Rabbi’s “Study and Samoas”, now satisfying other palettes as “Sidra and Shwarma”.
A few weeks ago, I asked my husband, David what he thought I should talk about in this High Holiday speech. Without blinking, he said: You should tell everyone that the reason we are programming so many awesome activities is because you and I are going to be empty-nesters this year and we need something to do! So on behalf of empty-nesters and fun-seekers everywhere, I encourage you all to keep checking our calendar, which is literally overflowing with inspiring speakers, educational films, movie nights, hikes, and outings geared toward every age group. Even the well-known mentalist – the AMAZING KRESKIN – is going to grace the halls of B’nai Tikvah this year. AND – we are going to AIPAC’s Policy Conference in Washington DC in March as a synagogue delegation. If you would like to learn more or be a part of this, please contact me after the holidays.
Last year, we had tremendous fundraising success at our gala, honoring Cindy and Neal Gittleman. In fact, we had an excellent year in revenue all around, reaching new heights in our Yom Kippur appeal, our gala fundraiser, and even our dues collection. This year, we have another fabulous gala lineup including: Honoree – Israeli Ambassador Danny Ayalon, Honorees – our own Jeff and Marcia Schwartz, and Volunteer Awards to our own Lauren Cohen and Steve Juro. We are continuing in the tradition of husband and wife co-chairs, and are thrilled to let you know that Marty and Marci Abschutz are stepping up to lead this important project, together with HONORARY Co-Chair – Arie Behar. This will be another special night of fun and fundraising. We urge you to share your talents to make this event a night to remember in B’nai Tikvah history.
There is an old Yiddish proverb: No one knows whose shoe pinches except the person who stands in it. This is a very fitting saying for our co-Presidency. Two years ago, a few days after her daughter Molly’s wedding, Ruth Anne started suffering very serious complications of Lyme Disease, including dreadful pain in her feet and legs. As you may recall, during the holidays that year, she was using a wheel chair and walker and, frankly – no offense – she looked pretty bad. Good friends can say that to each other, right? We caught up by text and phone every single morning to see what was new in the world of life-altering deer tick bites! This year, the shoe is still on the other foot as she recovers from foot surgery, and is getting ready to make her debut in real, girly heels! In the interim, we’ve spent an awful lot of time talking about shoe-shopping because, you know, when we’re not talking about B’nai Tikvah, that’s what we do. My phone still beeps all the time with her simple question: “Talk?” But fortunately now, foot pain is much lower on the list of topics to talk about.
One of the things that we do discuss a lot is making sure that everyone feels connected to B’nai Tikvah, and gets involved in a way that is meaningful to them. And you don’t have to feel that you are taking on a new role all by yourself. As you can see, Ruth Anne and I have successfully shared the position of President for the last two years, with another two now in progress. Last year’s gala co-chairs were a sensational husband and wife team, as are the co-chairs for this year. Our Membership Vice-Presidents and our Ways and Means – Fundraising – VPs are also dynamic duos. Having a great counterpart means that if you have to miss a meeting, someone else can go in your place; if there are too many tasks for one person, then there is a friend by your side to help; if there are decisions that need constructive input, you need look no further. We welcome the opportunity to brainstorm about the aspects of synagogue life that most resonate with you.
There is another Yiddish proverb that states: It’s better to talk to a woman and think about God, than talk to God and think about a woman. I leave it to you to deconstruct that proverb and think about its implications. But for now, I will turn this over to a woman you should definitely hear from – and talk to: my dear friend, mentor, and co-President, Ruth Anne.
Ruth Anne: As I read Allison’s draft of what she wanted to say, my first reaction was to make the ask and sit down. But as my children, husband and students would say, I like to have the last word on everything and I rarely miss an opportunity to share a few thoughts.
As some of you know, I am retiring from my full time job at Rutgers next spring. At the ripe old age of 66, I thought it was time to just teach and not deal with the day-to-day work. I started the office I run, Violence Prevention and Victim Assistance, and have been in this field for over 45 years. My Assistant Director often accuses me of being struck with FOMO, Fear of Missing Out, as the reason I have stuck it out this long. Although there may be some truth in her suggestion, as I think about it, my work as an advocate for victims of violence is one of the things that defines who I am, along with being a woman, a mother and Bubbe, a friend and a Conservative Jew. But at the heart of who I am is someone who is passionate about caring for people in my community.
Today is significant to me for two reasons. For one thing, it is the first time in 38 years that I have not had at least one of my children here for the holidays. I know that many of you are here without your children, without your biological family, without your spouse or partner in life, some for the first time and some who have experienced this for years. While I have been blessed to create a village of family here at B’nai Tikvah, there is something different about being an empty nester and having your children live in other parts of the country, far away, and being here without my family. Yet one of the things that I find so powerful about our Jewish community is the connections we make with each other, sometimes with people we barely know, who become our best friends. I am so grateful for the many offers of friendship and fellowship as I adjust to this new reality in my life. You are all a constant reminder of why I became a part of this community only 17 years ago, why I am so engaged in doing what I can for the betterment of this community, and why I, along with Allison want others who love B’nai Tikvah to join us on our Jewish journey.
Every synagogue publically says that they are warm and friendly but I have found that to be true about B’nai Tikvah. 15 years ago I invited a colleague to my daughter Molly’s bat mitzvah. She was a long time member of another local synagogue and when I saw her at work the following Monday, she was shocked that people she didn’t know at B’nai Tikvah had spoken warmly to her, something that never happened where she was a congregant. Come on a Shabbos morning and see how quickly you are offered an honor, or someone shows you what page we are on, or the Rabbi or Cantor stops to say Good Shabbos. It is our sincere hope that the conversation does not end there, as we are eager to learn more about you and share your Jewish journeys, as well.
The other reason why today is so significant for me is because today is the anniversary of the day that my father, at the age of 14, along with his two younger brothers and my Aunt Francis were cleared through Ellis Island, after coming off the good ship Aquatania. After years of hunger, sickness and war, pogroms and a year of saying Kaddish for their mother, my Aunt, a teenager herself, travelled from the shtetle of Shatsk to the HIAS office in Warsaw where money awaited them for their travel to meet their father and older siblings in America, a passage that many of your parents and grandparents made.. While I have many fond memories of my Aunt who is responsible for keeping my father alive, my favorite story is when one Pesach I drove from NJ with my two children for the Seder at my Mother’s in Maryland. My Aunt Francis was amazed by how brave I was to make that journey alone with my children. I reminded her that brave was being a teenage mother to her three younger brothers and getting them all safely to America yet she continued to tell me what I did was more brave…well I guess driving the NJ Turnpike and 95 does require some bravery, but compared to her heroic, independent passage to America, the same that many of your parents and grandparents made, my road trip really doesn’t hold a candle.
One of my other favorite stories of my Aunt Francis has to do with my birth. My mother had selected a name for me but my Aunt Francis and her older sister, my Aunt Esther, informed my mother that the name my mother had chosen for me was not acceptable for a Jewish child and very quickly I was named Ruth or Rivka after their grandmother. My mother who was not to be outdone in naming her children, insisted that at least part of my name would be from her side and the Chanah or Anne was for her grandmother. As you may remember, in one of my YK speeches I talked about my dream that every Jewish child will know their Hebrew name, not just Rivka Channa, but Rivka Chana bat Tzvi Hersh v Ada Faiga and that is something I know that Barry has been working on in Jr. Congregation. Because your name is in many ways, your legacy and the legacy from your parents. Our name, among other things, defines us as Jews.
A few weeks ago, Allison and I met with the new Board members, to get them acquainted with how things work here, to see what they love about B’nai Tikvah, where we need to improve, and how they would like to participate. As an icebreaker, we went around the room discussing the origin of our Hebrew names. If we accomplished nothing else that evening, we ensured that almost everyone in the room called or texted their mother that evening, if only to get a little more clarification on this subject!
There is a story about a bus in Tel Aviv, where a mother was talking animatedly, in Yiddish, to her little boy — who kept answering her in Hebrew. And each time the mother said, “No, no, talk Yiddish!” An impatient Israeli, overhearing this, exclaimed, “Lady, why do you insist the boy talk Yiddish instead of Hebrew?” Replied the mother; “I don’t want him to forget he’s a Jew.”
Last weekend, Paul and I drove to Westchester to attend a memorial luncheon for the father of my very good friend, a woman I have known since we were pregnant with our girls and she is also my knitting partner. It was interesting, as people spoke, to learn about the heart and soul of this special man. While almost everyone in the room was Jewish, my friend is very secular, the stories had a common theme to them and were a mixture of family Jewish history and their love for this man…but almost everyone noted that they had never told him how important he was to them, how his generosity and kindness of spirit helped them in many ways. I tell you this story because I don’t want us to save these feelings and stories for a eulogy. We need to share with each other, our thoughts and feelings and connections.
No matter what language we speak, no matter what name we call it we are drawn together by the things we share, our love of B’nai Tikvah and each other, and our commitment to being part of a Jewish community. As friends, we reach out to each other in many different ways. We know that several members are not comfortable driving at night, and so we ask that, after the holidays, anyone who could use some help with transportation – as well as anyone who can offer to help with transportation – call the office to let them know, so we can make a driving shidduch. We also ask everyone, after the holidays, to find and Like our B’nai Tikvah page on Facebook, share our events, and invite your friends to come. There is no substitute for face-to-face communication, but in this digital age, let’s make sure to also connect online.
At this special time of year, I literally thank G-d for the ability to forget, for the power of a poor memory. Please, on this day when we ask God to remember us, please forget about the harsh words your child used when he spoke to you, please forget about the bitter exchange you had with your parents, your brothers, your sisters, your friends. And oh yes, please forget about the La’shon H’arah you just heard. And finally, please forget the ways in which Allison and I may not have lived up to your expectations as co-Presidents of this congregation, and know that we have the best interests of B’nai Tikvah in our minds and our hearts at all times.
The ways in which we can demonstrate our commitment to community are literally endless. Help to carpool a neighbor’s kids to religious school. Bring a meal to someone who is ill. Make sure that we have a minyan whenever that is needed. And, today as you take out the envelope you were given when you came in this morning, in whatever amount you are able, we ask you to make a high holiday gift to B’nai Tikvah that is meaningful to you. Just like many of you, we have a mortgage, insurance payments, snow removal and salaries; and, while we kept our dues FLAT this year, after lowering them a small amount last year, more people are in need of financial assistance than ever before. A gift of $360 is less than $1 a day. If everyone can turn down just one more tab on their donation card, the end result will be so positive for the health and wellbeing of our synagogue. And, just in case that is not enough of an incentive, Rabbi Wolkoff has informed us that for every $5,000 we raise, he will literally rip up a page of his sermon! We thought it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to get a shorter sermon! We urge you to take advantage of it, and benefit B’nai Tikvah at the same time!
On this most sacred day of the Jewish calendar, Allison and I wish for you and your families a year of health and happiness, peace and contentment; a year that is imbued by the warmth of good friends, and enriched by the loving extended family here at B’nai Tikvah.